These days have been spending much of my time studying and working. Dare not take too much time to do other stuff since the thick piles of notes are yet to be unfolded -.-" It is under stress when one shows his true personality. I am an attention seeking person. Somehow, I just want to talk to others what I have done. Sometimes, it might feel that I am showing off. Sorry for that. But in fact, I yarn for more attention. May be that's how it worked when I was young. I get attention by doing better in my study. I used to think I have changed. In fact, not much. I truly feel myself is too proud. Both spiritually and in work. Spiritually, one cannot sustain his spiritual health without input from bible and prayer which I spent scarely any time to do. At work, I feel I can master my work and other's expectation and hence feel pride. Many times I think, when Jesus came to earth, did he boost around saying that he knows about everything in the universe? No, he didn't. It is funny that how your mind and actual behaviour mismatches. You want to change but you naturally do differently. Many times, I think I am thinking too much of myself. Not my responsibility as a cell leader nor as the only child living at home. I feel I should have done more. Like speading gosbel to my family and help my cellmates to come near to God. But somehow, I feel strengthless to do it. May be I am too focus on myself. Focus on the cross will be better? Hear me O' Lord and answer, I am poor and needy. Guard my life for I am devoted to you Hear my prayer, O Lord, and my cry for mercy In the day of trouble I will call to you. I love this song so much. It reminds me that he is the only God I can count on. Not myself. | 
